My one liner's ,My Space

This space will always be confined to my regular updates. Anything that moves me and sets me thinking.

After four days of back massages, regular intake of glucose , hot water (heat) packs and my relentless rattling about how horrible I feel…..I woke up today feeling a lot better and thanking god for giving me such a wonderful husband. I am blessed to have him in my life….May our bond get stronger by the day …. God Bless:) (09.11.2011)

Today is : bad hair day, no mood day, backache day, being rude day, irritable day….A scoop of ice cream is my only retreat….(06.11.2009)

On this day, last year....was the beginning of a journey ...from 'strangers' to 'friends'....from 'exchange of pleasantries' to 'sharing of dreams and fears'....from an 'awkward smile' to 'laughter and joy'....Today ,after all the long phone conversations and all the lengthy mails written....I can proudly say....You are AWESOME....we totally rock...as friends,as a couple and as who we are as people....Happy Anniversary....Three cheers to the day we first met....:) (19.10.2011)

Sometimes a call from your best friend makes your day...and you cant help but smile throughout the day....:) 

It's a weekend....slip on your best dress ..put on some make up and goo dancinggggg....yiyeee am happyyy...It's a weekend.

Start working out early in life...the rest will fall in place...:D

It was just you and me. Two friends.....We laughed until we had to cry, we had millions of conversations over a cup of coffee, we loved till it hurt...but over the years we'll smile and recall, for just one moment - we had it all.:)Byeee...:

Sometimes all you need is a push to get back the confidence ...yiyeeee....am happpyyyyy:D 

The second best thing about being married is I don't have to give a damn about my looks....:):) 

The best thing about being married is that I don't have to think and talk.....:) 

Its amazing to talk to friends and family on skype and realise that u r in two different continents ....but your conversations and laughter still goes on...cant stop smiling.... 

There is something fascinating about sitting by the river side and enjoying the cool breeze...something which calms your soul.

Don’t feel guilty when you are relishing on junk food...u can always burn it eventually..:) 

I live for good coffee, great conversations and loads and loads of laughter.....:

Keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about...:):):) 

I hate to feel at home when I am abroad.

Drink more water,make more mistakes,learn more lessons and laugh out loud....:):):) 

A million visits to ccd, conversations, dreams, fun, amazing friends to stop by...Life in Bangalore has been one hell of a ride....Will Miss you all....Adieu... 

An invigorating conversation on a cosy afternoon...with a friend you hardly know since a week.....It’s amazing to know people beneath the 100 watt smile.

I refuse to care ,coz I don’t give a damn ...I refuse to be a friend coz the bond does not exist any longer....I refuse to be who I was....I forgive ...but I chose to walk away...I am glad I did:):):) 

Looking down at the river ...I realized...we don’t have enough time to see the world....and there is so much to see...

Something about London reminds me of Bangalore....Its weird.

Music, Books, diary, amazing view from the window...and the church bells ringing....what more can you ask for?

Sometimes a small gesture of holding the door open for you can win you over totally...

Happiness means friday evenings, a sip of coffee, a chirpy voice on the phone, a strangers smile, the cool breeze, music and a great weekend to look forward to..

Cheers to a new year and give 'life and love' another chance and get it right this time":):):):) 

Blessed to have found great friends in this lifetime...Will always remember the times we spent ...we lived, we laughed, we cried, we loved....and the smile is still intact...:) 

"I am feeling great" .."I am feeling great"..."I am feeling great"...chanting this line just to make sure I don't fall sick...

The least you can do is shut down your system on a friday evening.

Two calls a day, routine work, close to three hours travel....no movies since ages...total lack of sleep...a dental appointment pending...sis leaving Bangalore for a month... random thoughts passing by....my brain is totally messed up...Life can get really crazy... 

Listening to tu na jane aas paas hai khudha...sipping coffee...Music and coffee puts and end to all your overwhelming fears at least temporarily.

A long wait came to an end..we deserved to meet...Airport, farewell, mami, ccd...made my weekend.

Unexpected visits from unexpected people...weekend taking a very unexpected turn...not sure of what the future holds...

Photos, friends, movie....My day went as planned....am glad. 

The little imperfections are what makes life perfect...people don’t just get this point.

It's said its in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped....every decision counts...so ...THINK AGAIN.... 

I Love my job...I love my job....I love my job....Just trying to love my job!!! 

Life is short...don’t waste time being calorie conscious...eat your desserts first....and remember low calorie does not necessarily mean healthy.... 

I love weekends ...Its fun to just sit around and talk. 

Sometime toooo many options in life ...confuses you big time...Life with some people is always easy and fun.Dedicated to all my friends...especially the ones who have always been a vital part of my life. 

Its amazing to wind up the day with a cup of coffee and a wonderful person beside you...especially on a weekday.

Client calls, Never ending meetings, Breaks, laughter, deadlines, escalations....a smile from a stranger...Corporate world rocks....But still hoping this weekend lasts forever.

Do not stress yourself....who is asking you to decide...just sit back and watch life unfold everything ...everything will be OK in the end.

Slow down....forget office and work...and look at the world which is running parallel to ours....Don’t overlook the beauty around you.

Walking away,letting go and moving on is one of the hardest tasks ever.

Life and its duties

Riya, is 24 married and stays in UK along with her husband. Life was good to her and she is a chirpy, talkative girl who always has something to talk about..….be it her hair,mom in law, mom, husband, work etc. She had topics on her finger tips. She has been married since two years now and she is a home maker wanting to pursue her career in the IT industry.

One day in the morning she realized she was pregnant, inspite of repeatedly testing it, the result was positive. The first thing she feels is a rush of happiness and she rushes towards the phone to call her husband and tell him the good news coz she feels he deserves to know first.

She puts the receiver down and has no clue how to feel and what has to be done next. Her husbands reactions was indifferent and calm and he refused to discuss the issue further until he gets back home from work.

Finally its five in the evening and Varun appears to be very tired and he tells Riya that the child has to be aborted since they have no sufficient funds to raise the child. Not that they have any financial crisis, but its just that they cannot afford a child right now.

Riya would have never opted for it, but she had to abort the child because she had to consider her husbands feelings towards the whole issue. Obviously both their folks were unaware of the issue. Her mom in law right now wants to have a grandchild and she is pestering Riya for a grandchild. Riya cannot really explain anything to anyone because of who she is as a person and also because of the fact that she is not just a daughter to her parents now but someone’s wife and daughter in law as well.

Sometimes, we cannot be who we really are because of all the social constraints and because of the all the duties life has to offer us. Sometimes, we have to compromise and forget who we really are and try to fulfill our duties towards people we are related to  .Sometimes, we have to do things which we never dreamt of doing it. Sometimes, life takes you by surprise and you never know what will be your next course of action. Sometimes, we do what we have to unwillingly and then the memory still haunts us.

Sometimes we wonder what right do we have to take away someone else’s life? Also we wonder why did we actually do what we did? We never find answers to these questions despite thinking about it a million times.

Sometimes you know that you are guilty?

But the fact remains that the child is gone forever, a child who never gotta see this beautiful world. A child whose life was snipped and Riya will never ever be the same again.This memory of a child will haunt her till the rest of her life and she will always regret it for the days to come.

A word of advise:

This was my first unofficial blog and I committed the mistake of asking my friend to upload the blog in his webpage without giving it much of a thought … and I repent it coz it really hurts to see someone else being applauded for the blog even if he/she is a good friend of yours. I kept telling myself that “Its no big deal”, its after all a blog, but despite my many attempts, to ignore it .I couldn’t. Hence a word of caution “Never ever ask your friend to upload your blog on his webpage coz sooner or later you will regret it”

A tale of pain, grief and regret.

Dear All,

I am Riya Singh, belonged to the corporate world. Quit my career to take care of my eldest daughter, Neha. That was thirteen years ago. Today I am a proud mom of two children and a full fledged home maker. My youngest son is just three years old . I, like the rest of you was a happy, cheerful and a chatty person. But after the birth of my son, my body started undergoing certain changes, I started being irritable, I had little interest in things, I couldn’t watch action movies, movies with a lot of violence in them, I was worried for no good reason. It took some time for my husband and the doctors to figure out that I was severely depressed due to child birth.Part of my depression was  also stemmed to the fact that I had just lost my brother to cancer.

I and my family dealt with my depression for almost a year. The doctors had advised my husband, to never leave me alone. To spend as much time with me as possible. To keep me occupied. Hence, I joined meditation classes and my husband worked from home almost three days a week. I started taking long walks along with my husband and asked him once “How will it be if I jump from that ten storey building”. He looked at me and said "please do not think of such things,life is beautiful and is worth living". I did not pay heed to his words.

As days passed I became withdrawn, sad, tired, apathetic, anxious and was prone to angry outbursts.I was afraid of my own thoughts.

Finally, One day I got a call from Neha’s school asking me to immediately visit the school. I hurriedly sent my son to school…He was now four years and I gave him his bag and told him…. “Here on you will have to complete this journey of life without me”. My son just smiled at me and left not knowing this will be the last time he will be seeing his mommy. I hurriedly left to Neha’s school.

I was sitting in the Principals chamber and Neha was standing crying beside me. The teachers had caught her smoking in the school grounds. A thirteen year old girl smoking was obviously not appreciated by the school authorities and I was asked to take Neha and leave for the day.

On our way back home, I felt horribly miserable about my little girl smoking and I blamed myself for her upbringing, I was angry, I was deeply hurt and I immediately locked myself up in the room. I didn't feel the need to exist any longer. I felt I have no purpose and no reason to live. I just didn't want to be alive.

Within few minutes I was gone forever, never to return again. I hanged myself .I died quickly without any suffering .

Exactly after half an hour, my death was discovered by my daughter who fainted on the spot. Later the maid informed my husband. My husband was shocked, he went numb for the first few minutes. After which he wept , wept like a baby, screamed my name, asked me ‘why I did, what I did’. He was devastated. He lost a person who he sincerely loved and who was part of his life for past twenty years.

My little son was the only person in the family who was unaware of  the pain and grief my family was going through due to his age. He was immediately sent to his cousins place to keep him away from the family mishap.

Its been a month now since I left the world and Neha still cries herself to sleep, my husband is still under a state of shock. He cries everytime he looks at my photo .He still questions me.

I watched helplessly as my family is mourning my death. They are inconsolable.My family is ruined, all coz of a hasty decision I took. I broke the promise of love which I made years ago, to my husband, I left my children with a scar for life. The question will always haunt them, as to why I left them. I was a failure. I failed as a mom, as a wife, and as a person.

I could have given life another chance and made an earnest effort to overcome my depression. I could have just seen what a beautiful, loving family I had, I could have educated Neha about smoking and its impacts and help her quit smoking. I could have seen what a warm, wonderful  and loving husband I had. It was so simple. All I had to do was try….try for the sake of my husband, for the sake of my children, for the sake of my family. Instead I gave up assuming all my problems will vanish if I leave the world, which I must say is a myth.

To all those people who are planning to end their life. Here is a piece of advise….. “Don’t end it, Life is way too precious and beautiful. All your problems have solutions, and can be solved right here on earth. Death is definitely not a solution. Believe me the grief which you will encounter after your act of cruelty will surpass all the problems and difficulties this world has to offer.”

Remember, death unlike life will never give you another chance.

This comes from a dead person.


Love,
Riya